An incomplete family, unfortunately, is a fairly common phenomenon today and something is impossible to do with it, it so happened. Of course, a divorce is a difficult test for each family member, but for a child, especially a preschooler, this situation except that is difficult, also incomprehensible. But raising a child in an incomplete family is a very difficult matter. And it is precisely on how adults behave that the general psychological state of the child will depend, his reaction to what is happening and understanding the situation. The most common mistake of women is the transfer of the situation with her husband to a relationship with a child.
The content of the article
What should not be done
You should never say to the child: "Dad is bad, dad left us!" The fact is that children identify themselves with the parent of their gender, and therefore this phrase for the boy will mean: “Dad is a man is bad, which means: I am a man, I am bad!” Making such a conclusion, the little boy will live with guilt, and if the mother cries and sad at the same time, the boy will feel his guilt in relation to his mother, because he is the son of his father.
With a girl in this situation, everything is also difficult and dangerous, because: "Mom - a woman - abandoned, I am a woman - abandoned." And the girl is growing with the feeling that a woman is doomed to be an abandoned man, hence feminism, and the desire to be the main thing, and the most basic is anger and distrust of men. About happiness in the personal life of a matured girl with such an installation, one can not dream. The education of a child in an incomplete family is caution in the expressions and definitions of the role of parents in the situation.
Parents should remember everything that they will tell their child about the situation, all their behavior and attitude to the situation will certainly be deposited in the baby’s memory in their own way, because he has no experience and knowledge of an adult. Children have no shades of feelings: everything is divided into black and white, good and bad. Therefore, it will certainly be difficult to explain the situation correctly, but subject to some rules it is quite possible.
What needs to be done to correctly raise a child in an incomplete family
- The first and basic rule cannot be accused. No matter how the second half would act (changed, left the family and so on) for the child, understanding of these nuances is not available. In the child, everything should be reduced to the fact that dad simply will not be at home now so often, because he went to work, went on a business trip, but dad loves him and nothing has changed here.
- Do not specify. I mean, there is no need to say “Dad has gone forever!”, “Dad will never return!” And other similar phrases. Because for the child the concept of “forever” is still incomprehensible, and it is associated with the concept of “disappeared” (but dad does not disappear and, most likely, wants to see the baby). If we say: “We no longer have dad!”, And then dad comes to visit the baby, then the child has a misunderstanding of the situation, fear and distrust of parents are born, because they said one thing, and then it turns out that it was not true. Such frivolity will undermine parental authority.
- Do not try to "pull the blanket over yourself" - also a fairly common mistake
in raising a child in an incomplete family
. This applies to the fact that if dad came with gifts to the baby and sweets, the child rejoices at this, and his mother declares to her dad: “He does not need this, he has everything!” The child should feel the love of both parents, and it doesn’t matter whether he already has such things or not.
And most importantly, do not try to say: “Throw this toy (which the father gave), it is bad. I'll buy a good one tomorrow. ” Because this teaches the baby to manipulate people, and you should not think that the baby will not understand how to use the situation in his favor. As practice shows, the kids come to this very quickly.